Why on earth would "his groin ached for release" ever seem like a good idea?
And on that note, tell me something weird about yourself, while I dye my hair. That way, when I'm sitting here with frizzled reddish strands strewn across my lap, I'll have something to make me laugh.
Allow me to demonstrate: I have a crazy accurate sense of timing honed from 49875 years in the restaurant biz. I can set my microwave to however many minutes, wander away, and wander back just as the timer is counting down to 1. It is VERY VERY USEFUL. Shut up.
Top that, losers.