no more high-waisted pants. thanks.
ps. and jumpsuits. no more of them, either.
pps. and for the love of god, untuck your t-shirts. it's about the only chance you have to live in the 21st century. thanks again.
ppps. wait. did I mention matching shirt-and-shorts combos? because really, I shouldn't have to.
pppps. world, I could have tolerated all of the above much better except for the woman who talked throughout every step of the 365 miles of the Mammoth Caves of Kentucky. blame her, world. I was perfectly happy enjoying nature, rocks and stuff, until she and her lumpy man decided to hike within my personal bubble and breathe down my neck. although, maybe it was useful to have her say "look, a rock!" every three feet. because, you know, you wouldn't want to miss seeing every single fucking rock in the state of Kentucky. why else go there?
ppppps. sorry, world. I know Kentucky is fabulous. many wonderful people live there! or, a few, anyway. and the rest of 'em? it's not their fault that I don't like green velvet jester shorts with little bells sewn onto the pointy hems. or white knee-socks. is it?
pppppps. yes, world. it's true. I went to the biggest cave in the world and snooted at people because of their fashion sense. truly, I am lost.
Actually, the caves were really cool. I'm already planning a trip back. Because the tour I want to go on? Seven hours, crawling on your belly in the mud through nine inch holes. That's what I'm talking about, y'all. The tour I took was awesome, three hours through amazing huge dry cave structures, but it was so manicured, so very laid out and marked and guided and lit, that it was hard to remember that I was in a real cave, not something like the cave they used to have in the Museum of Natural Sciences in Cinncinnati when I was a kid, man-made. I want to get stuck in an unexplored side-shaft! Shout myself hoarse for hours, just to hear any sound at all! Scrabble on my knees in the perfect dark, cutting my hands on loose shale, panicking, knowing I shouldn't move but can't stay still, can't stay here! I want to know what it's like.
I want to just sit and listen, surrounded by the silence and dark. Listen and feel it, the hugeness, underneath. But I reckon I won't get that on the other tour either, lying in the mud. Because, you know. One of the goals of that tour is "team-building." Meh. They don't like you to wander off, I bet.
Tomorrow, Pittsburgh and withdiamonds. Thursday, JC. God! I've missed him.
But, I would like to point out that it was 54 degrees F in Toronto, yesterday. *curses*