No one? At all? Hmm. Actually, I wanted to get the "Say hello" t-shirt when I was in Miami Beach, but I remembered JC had one and didn't, for that one moment of lucidity, want to seem like too much of a crank.
Worked last night, first time out of orientation. It did not go well at all. I don't think I'll be staying there. We'll see. I will say more later, when I know more myself.
Oh, what the hell. I haven't kept much from you before now. Last night I made a serious med error: gave a patient 5 mg of ativan instead of 5 mg of valium. The night shift ended up having to call the doctor because the patient was so snowed, and they had to give him the antidote times three doses to get him to wake up. He's okay. Thank god.
As far as I can recreate in my own head, here's what happened. I was told "ativan" in report. Didn't even snap that 5 mg is one hell of a hefty dose, for that drug. Looked at my drug sheet and thought, "oh, no, it's valium." Got caught up in discharging someone and dosing someone for a high bp and assisting the wound nurse in changing a wound-vac dressing, by request (I should have said no. Too much else to do.) Came time to give the valium, I went and got ativan out, again not snapping that it was three cartridges and therefore probably TOO DAMN MUCH. Gave the drug, snowed the patient. Reported that the patient was snowed to the next nurse. She asked me, "did you give ativan or valium, though?" and by this time I was so discombobulated, I didn't remember. I had signed off on valium, so I told her that... but I honestly didn't know. Thought about this all the way home, in my car, with a feeling of ice in my stomach, because what if?
She called an hour after I got home. They'd backtracked through the narcotics machine and I'd given the wrong thing. She didn't want me to think she was sneaking behind my back, which surprised me; how could that even matter? I was just glad she is a good enough nurse to realize what was going on and take steps to deal with it.
So, yeah. I have to be at work in four hours. Don't know what's going to happen. But I am seriously shaken and afraid to go out there and do this job. This is the first time I've made a med error, inshallah, and now I don't just think I'm a poor nurse, I have proof. I feel like quitting right now. I actually considered bartending again, for one brief dark moment in the middle of the night. I feel like I can't trust myself anymore, a major button for me.
He is okay, though. I called at about 5 am and he was oriented and eating and drinking. Thank god.
At the hospital I came from, the medication scanner would never have let me scan a drug that was not on this patient's med profile, and the narcotics cabinet wouldn't have allowed me to access the ativan for him, because he has no orders for ativan. I think that system has made me lazy, or something, and though I've been trying to doublecheck myself because I know they don't have these check and balances here, I guess I'm just not careful enough.
It is utterly ironic and perfect and horrible that I have an interview at a hospital in Orlando on Monday, for oncology, which is what I've been wanting.
Sorry for all the drama. It's still pretty fresh in my head.