Second of all, I went through the JuC Swap story and edited out approx. 34097609 instances of the word "little." Not necessarily a hot sexy porn word, I'm thinking. So all those folks who read it on my site after the challenge is announced will get a little bonus. Ahahahahaha.
Thirdly, I had a patient yesterday who tested the limits of my sanity. Not too far away, apparently, good to know. But I digress. She made her mind up to go home, less than a day out of ICU where she was intubated for a week and almost died and her surgical wound was infected and trying to fall apart and she had a central line which she tried to rip out of her arm and she is OMG SO SICK, but none of that mattered, because going home. So the surgeon talked to her and the pulmonologist talked to her and the infectious disease doctor talked to her and the charge nurse talked to her and I talked to her, but she wouldn't talk to me after a while, because she hated me. In fact, I was "that red-headed bitch," very loudly and frequently to anyone within earshot, which amused the charge nurse and the department manager greatly, as they are both red-headed bitches themselves and think I am a sweet cuddly little girl, grrr. But I digress.
So she ended up after several hours of strife sort of squatting in the hall with her teenaged kids standing around rolling their eyes, because she's done this before, apparently. And she wouldn't go back to her room and she BY DAMN wouldn't sit in a wheelchair and she certainly couldn't walk out the front door like she wanted to, too sick omg, so it was a standoff. Finally I squatted down next to her and said, "How about if I get you a different nurse, and you don't have to look at me or hear my voice or anything at all, just so you can get back to your room and have somewhere to be comfortable until we figure this out?" and she yelled "CALL SECURITY RIGHT NOW, THIS NURSE JUST ASSAULTED ME." Which, as you might imagine, caused a great amount of glee amongst the staff, but I said, "You heard the woman," and went off to lunch.
So they called security and all of the doctors again and the house supervisor, while I had a truly atrocious cup of bean soup, and when I got back to the floor she was just being wheeled out.
OMGWTF. We fully realized that she was possibly delirious for some unknown reason and it was medically unsafe to send her home, but we could not do a thing. She was alert and oriented and appropriate in her responses, if completely manipulative and hostile and OMG SUCH A FUCKING BITCH, and we simply could not keep her. She had the legal right to say fuck you all and go.
But it bugs me mightily because I so very, very seldomly encounter someone I simply cannot figure out an approach to. I feel like I failed, although the charge and the manager and the supervisor and everybody said no, no one could persuade her, I should just let it go. And I will let it go, you know, eventually, but it irks me that I don't know any strategies for dealing with the borderline personality-type folks who come along, because I must grudgingly suppose that they need effective care, too. And I would not be very good at dealing with them anyway, and I think maybe that bugs me even more. I have this TREMENDOUS resistance to manipulation, after having been manipulated by some of the world's masters, and every time she cried on a dime, or told the doctors she didn't know why we were all so mean, she just wanted to get better, or tried to strike her kids, or offered to buy lunch for those staff members who were "nice to her," I just closed up more.
...GUACAMOLE. The unit educator just called me to chat. Really nice. And timely. She's going to help me look into Master's programs in the area. Because that academia stuff, that's the kind of stress I can handle.
*pokes self in head*
But yeah, bedside nursing, afkalkj!! !!! !!! ! No, thanks. But I digress.