silveryscrape (silveryscrape) wrote,

7.30?? Damn, I have to go to bed. :)

Not the greatest weekend. We lost two, one a new dx who'd managed a quick remission despite being intubated on first admit, sent home doing pretty well and even managed an unremarkable clinic visit that day, afebrile and all her counts just fine, but then that night we had to bring her in straight to the ICU in septic shock. She coded and died not too long after that. Those are the people you ask yourself, was her temp actually too low? Was she just slightly groggy, and maybe her blood sugar sky-high despite no history of diabetes? But no, sometimes it's just that fast. A good day in the mild Orlando weather, but maybe she forgot to wear her mask and someone sneezed, or maybe the hamburgers for lunch were not quite cooked enough, or maybe she touched the kitchen sink and then her eye... all it takes is a few hours when you have no white blood cells at all. Life is pretty tenacious, but there are critters out there stronger than us, sometimes.

The other one -- I've been trying to write about him all weekend, but I don't seem to have enough words. Maybe too many, I don't know. All I can keep coming back to is how they took off his wedding ring when I transferred him to the unit on Thursday. It just hit me, you know? I knew he was going to die, like I've known for a year, but for the first time I really understood what the families go through. Maybe the antibiotics will take effect, maybe the tube will help him breathe until he can get strong enough for the transplant, maybe there's a chance for him and his husband to be happy... see? It was weird, this hope despite the fact that there isn't any at all. Pretty useless. Totally valuable, I guess.

But, whatever. It's like doctor E said in rounds today. Sometimes we get reminded of what we're about, of why it's important to keep doing this.

But enough of that. Mal is mad at me tonight, because I caught him hanging by a claw off the neighbor's balcony the other day, a balcony he apparently crawls around on frequently, according to my neighbor. This was AFTER I witnessed him slipping off my balcony into the leaves below like a knife into butter, what 15 foot drop, tch?? And he ran away from me meeping when I came to "rescue" him because he was having fun, dammit, and I was ruining it. So, no more balcony for Mal until I get the harness and the sticky tape and the nets and the shackles, and in retaliation last night he brought his sopping wet cat toy to me and laid it on my pillow while I was sleeping.


In other news, I seem to be going horseback riding next week. o.0

I haven't gone in years, and one of my friends has never gone, and the other one is terrified of horses, but our other fun wilderness option, canoeing, means alligators to her and apparently that's worse. HA. We'll see.

Um, also. JC.

  • No shame, no regrets

    When It's Over

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