silveryscrape (silveryscrape) wrote,

It's possible I had a sort of mini-breakdown yesterday, fued by many stressors. I'm surprised it took this long to get here! I know me; unfortunately, I respond to hard, continued pressure by getting weepy and self-pitying, and while I've actually learned to use those fits to regain my footing in a tough situation and move on, they're still a pain in the ass. So yeah, yesterday with the upset and the shortness of breath and the dramatic clutching of the chest, because it just suddenly struck me how very much I have to do for this degree, and this is the summer semester and by all rights should be a lighter load, but I have a publishable-quality lit review and another publishable-quality term project that must actually be sent out to a scholarly mag, but about which the teacher has told us nothing despite there being less than six weeks left in the course, and 500 word module responses due for each class every week, except the module for one class this week turned out to be in three parts, and the other class added on a surprise quiz which I talked about yesterday, and apparently the quizzes will be every week from now on because she's not sure we're doing the readings, and oh, yeah! The other term projects and papers and online responses and GAH. Now I know why the GRE's test you on how fast you can construct an argument. I'm slow. One of these 500 worders takes me 3 hours, and I'm having to write, um, 9 of them this week, or is it 11, and with the reading and researching too, that means, hmm... WHERE IS THE TIME, LIVEJOURNAL, FUCK. Is it getting hot in here???

So of course all this resulted in me eventually snickering at all the drama and reminding myself, fellowship, i.e., the possibility for quitting arranging a hiatus on my job as early as a couple months from now, and I sat down and wrote two papers and started the research on two more and the outlines of some of the other ones, and dashed out several emails to deal with all the other craziness that's going on right now in other realms, and thought some thoughts about a 3manbus that is unsurprisingly way more important to me than any of the rest of this stuff, and then, livejournal, I had a beer. It was damn good.

Today, more of the above, but without the drama. I learned a long time ago that every once in a while comes a moment when you're faced with radically revisioning whatever arrangements you've made in your life, and usually that's for bad reasons, e.g., the car breaks down and no $$$ and the hours get cut at work and the boyfriend gets arrested, like that, but it doesn't have to be. Sometimes change is good, right? Ai. Anyway, as long as there are options and plenty of time to implement them, ten thumbs up. Plus, hiatusing my job sounds kind of nice right now. I don't have to, but, you know, I could. There's a light.
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