Anyway, the point is, I have once again fallen into the newb mistake of thinking if I'm feeling so! much! better! then it's time to go off the Lexapro. Alas, in my case, as I'm coming to realize, that just won't work. The first two times I had a few good weeks: hey, emotions! hey, sex, and then the weeping started. Curiously dispassionate weeping, like I had a backlog of heavy feelings just waiting for a turn. That's actually what prompted this round: I thought, maybe I just need to get past those emotions! Maybe this time things'll balance out and I'll have really hit the reset! You know, that theoretical brain reset all the meds and therapy are supposed to bring about: voila! Better.
This time I just went to sleep for three weeks.
I know part of it is the wacky schedule thing, and oh, nights are so messing with my head, but when you can't leave the house and all you can think of to do is sleep or then not sleep at all because of the oversleeping, then I guess that's just not right. I started back on the dose a few days ago, and boing! I feel better. So there's that, and I feel pretty bad about missing the Jammin' July thing and also a show with frausorge, but at least now I know. Three times is a learning module, y'all.
Actually I had a nice time, snoozing, reading SGA, surfing. I'm all caught up on all the wanks; spn, nothing new there, I have no comment, wtf it's all been said and is being said again and again, time out of mind, snore. Laura Hale vs. the OTW, oh my -- now that one is entertaining. Lots of historical wank-mining to be done there, my favorite thing. On the pop front JC continues to impress with the professional skillz and yet somehow still manages to be be dull as dishwater in interviews. Justin, idk; Joey, idk; Lance, idk -- Chris... Chris. Is the only one doing music right now. I love Chris.
I'm about 1/3 of the way through my JuC Swap. I kind of love it a lot.
But part of me has been watching Sheppard, so closely: ugh, Flanigan, you are hot, but -- Sheppard. Heading for the Gateroom, which I like to think of as the Embarcadero, ha, but he veers off, heads for his quarters instead. Palms the strip next to his door, thinking lock, lock, and unclips the P90, sets it on the bed. Unzips his vest. Hands are steady. Lets the vest drop, unzips his jacket. Tries to slow his breathing down. Pants: button, zip, fumbles at the little metal tab, moving faster now, pulls, pushes his hand inside, breathes, breathes --
"Sheppard, this is McKay. Sometime this morning?"
And that's as far as I get, although I know Sheppard has to hurry up and make it happen and sound completely under control at the same time, but if anyone can do that, it's Sheppard. The problem I have with writing SGA at this point is that I'm still so enamored of the characters that it's all plug-n-play: Sheppard jerking off! Yowsa! But I don't know why it's him, other than omgHOT, and I don't know what brought him to that, and I'm not sure how Rodney's voice figures into all that, except it does, of course it does, and oh -- I don't want to write aliens making him do it or how he's so repressed or unrequited or, or --
Feeling my way. Having fun! I do wish I'd thought to bring my season 3 dvds to CA, though, so I can go on and get season 4. But ah well, that'll happen. Three or four years later and I'm falling in love with a fandom; there's time.
I also spent some time thinking about the Xfiles. Almost roused myself to see the movie, but I'm scared. Besides, I have this completely awesome and perfectly characterized little bit of fanfic to sustain me: from Go Fug Yourself, even -- and many, many dvds. Seven seasons of them, in fact. SEVEN. Hear that, Chris Carter? Oh, how I hate you still.
Hey, have you seen this cool vid? I got it from lucy_u2, I think. Wii remote hacks and thoughts on research in the age of info accessibility:
Anyone got any Cibo Matto they can slide my way? In return I can offer this completely fabulous version of Battleflag (I'm on a Pigeonhed kick lately) -- less angry than Lo-fi, more with the funk. Uh, ignore the "art" in the "video" -- oi.