1. Your rent is not due for two more days. Yet I do not have your check. What is your explanation?
2. I haven't talked to the handyman for months. Thus it would be v.v. difficult for me to arrange to have your window fixed.
3. Do you know of anyone who could take care of this? You don't? How terribly inconvenient.
4. Didn't I just buy you a new refrigerator?
...I tried to render this in human language as nearly as possible. But apparently there are no linear thought processes where she's from. And it seems to hurt her deeply that this house she bought is a frickin' POS, and we have this unspoken rule that it's impolite to suggest the possibility, like a little social gaffe.
I am so going to save my pennies and buy a load of straw bails and have a group of cool-ass hippies build me a straw bail house somewhere on the mesa, adobed over and painted dusty orange, with solar panels and a windmill and some goats. Or maybe move to California. I don't know.
In the meantime, though, I'm going to shower and throw down my hair into something resembling submission and go to the hospital and infuse some stem cells, which look like cherry koolaid but smell like garlic butter, then take myself to breakfast and watch the freaks on Central and eat neither garlic nor cherries.
Have a fab day, y'all.